All Because of You I Am
by redex
Summary: PG for SiriusRemus insinuations. It's the night before Valentine's Day, and Sirius comes home. [ONESHOT]


Written for a Valentine's day contest at BlueGrapefruit forum (link in my profile). Had to use the lines: "All Because of you/I am" from U2. Contest ends two days after Valentine's Day, so you can still enter if you'd like. There are no prizes, it's just a challenge. Anyways, Sirius/Remus, post-PoA, pre-OotP. As always.

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**All Because of You, I Am**

_by_

_**Redex**_

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He showed up the night before Valentine's Day. It was raining and wet, and he was just standing there.  
He looked like he was going to cry. "Remus"  
My heart broke just a little. "Come in"  
I backed away from the opening and he stumbled inside, water dripping off his hair and long coat. I lead the way into the kitchen, glanced behind me just often enough to make sure he hadn't collapsed in my doorway. He kept at it, though, and made it to a chair before he collapsed and dropped his head on his arms. Water splattered everywhere. "Do you... want anything"  
I was uncomfortable standing while he sat, so I sat down across from him. "I've living for so little now, you know," he mumbled, lifting his eyes a little above his arms, hidden behind blades of hair. I opened my mouth to say something, and his head lowered again, voice quieted.  
"I just wanted to make sure one of those things was still around"  
My hand reached out shakily, and brushed that hair gently, gaining confidence, and then patting its softness. His head pressed up against my hand like a dog's seeking praise, and the realization made me hesitate. We had both changed.  
And then he looked at me, and I saw what had changed, but also what had stayed the same.  
We had changed. Now we were different. But that didn't change what was inside.  
I was still a broken, scared and scarred child; he was still yearning to be seen and recognized, fearful of power and powerful, older in his mentality than I.  
This wasn't other's views of us; this was our mutual understanding of each other. This was who we iwere/i.  
I stood up and walked around the table, back to where he was sitting. He sat up straighter and looked up at me warily. My hand reached out again and cupped his head. "I'm still here"  
He nods into my palm, just sitting there, with his chin uplifted so as to allow his cheek to rest in the palm of my hand. I bring my other arm around and grab around his still-soaking shoulders to drag the rest of him closer to me. My hand was still on his head as his head and chest press into my stomach. He closed his eyes and we stayed like that for a while. But finally, the clock tolled midnight and it startled us into movement. "You need to sleep." It was a simple fact, and he nodded, standing.  
I lead him into the back of the home and into the small room adjacent mine. It was sparsely furnished, but heated by a small wood fireplace, and had a soft bed kept for rare guests. It would do.  
He stripped off his wet outer clothes while I watched, almost greedy for these familiar motions that had been lost.  
But I still went to bed alone.

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"Remus"  
He was there again, this time not wet, but fuzzy to my sleep-weakened eyes.  
"Sirius"  
His hand reached out and cupped my face I had done to him before. I pressed into it as well as I could, inhaling the scent of grime and feathers and the light perfume of my soap. My hand moved up to press his. He didn't move for a moment. There needed to be an acknowledgement of what was happening. But then he put one knee onto the bed, making it sink, and then the second, and he crawled forward over the sheets until he got close enough to kiss me.  
And that was what he did.  
The shivering uncertainty twisted my heart again and I did what I could to encourage him, despite my own uncertainty. It wasn't passionate sex. We were both too tired, too old for that. Instead, he gave me one more little desprite kiss on my chin and, after he rested our foreheads together, fell asleep. I marvelled at how simply content he made me feel. At that moment, everything was good. I didn't want to think about anything but him and me, and what that meant. It was still raining outside; I could hear the drops rattling the panes of glass in the window. I didn't want him to leave. It was Valentine's Day. I had given him my heart a long time ago, but now it was confirmed.  
He had said it; I had felt it, and my heart had whispered it to him.  
All because of you,  
I am.

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Comments, Critism, Declarations of Undying Love? 


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